It has been almost 4 months since my last post, primarily because my life has been turned upside down by the progression of Mom's cancer, and I didn't want to write about that. But now I think I need to. I've been traveling back and forth between my now home, and my growing up home, for almost 6 months. There are a million things about this situation that are hard. It is hard to realize you've gotten to an age (a ripe old quarter-century age) where it is time to take care of your parents like they take care of you. It is hard to see someone you love so much taken away from you bit by bit, first physically, then mentally, and then physically again. It is hard to see an artist unable to control the movement of her hands. It is hard to tell the people who love her the truth about what's happening that is out of anyone's control. It is hard to take care of yourself while you are so worried about caring for someone else. It is hard to not regret little things like yelling at her to "get in the damn car" on the way to the church for my wedding or not being a kinder, more loving pre-teen. And it is hard not to cry every time someone else is celebrating life.
Then again, when things are hard you learn a lot. You learn that the people who love you will love you when all that stuff is hard, and the rest of the world doesn't matter. You learn that when your husband says he will be there for you "in sickness and in health" it doesn't just mean your sickness or health, and "being there for you" means loving you more and more and more and more. You learn that a job is just a job, it doesn't define you like your family does, and other things have to come first. You learn what's important to you, and what's bullshit. And you learn that sometimes listening to a beautiful song on a chilly autumn drive with the windows open is a moment to cherish, along with all the other moments that make life worth living (try
this one).
Now, a few more photos, just because they make me smile. (Also one of the things I've learned)
Yummy berry shortcake that Katy made SO creatively and deliciously.
Sydney wants in and Mollie wants out and I just sat and took photos.
Heather & Aaron's gorgeous wedding cake. Also creative and delicious!
Jenni,
ReplyDeleteThat was the most open and honest blog post I think someone could ever write. It brought tears to my eyes. You absolutely learn a significant amount about yourself and life when you're faced with the greatest challenges. You are such a strong person for writing that and sharing your thoughts. You ARE a strong person. I hope I can be there for you in every / any way possible.
I LOVE YOU!
-Kristen